Stardew Valley

I’m a few years late on the hit-craze Stardew Valley, but I’m hitting it hard with nearly 300 hours put in so far and so many more goals to achieve.

I’m not addicted to this game; YOU are!

I’m just going to note my most recent experience to give you a feel for the drama in this now-multiplayer farming simulator to address the incorrect assumption that nothing interesting could happen on a virtual farm.

  1. I successfully wooed every single person in town
  2. And I mean, everyone…
  3. I proposed to the blond, cheerful guy who loves soda and hangs out with friends who remind me of my own — and who most looks like my guy IRL
  4. Then, between the 3-day waiting period of becoming engaged and the wedding, my real-life boyfriend came back from fieldwork in Indonesia to work on the farm
  5. … just in time to see me marry another man!
  6. …who got me pregnant the first night
  7. Awkardsville

Sorry I was too busy fielding the screams of terror my boyfriend was making while events 4-7 were going down. To be fair, I don’t think images could do it justice.

So now I’m just living and working on this farm with my beloved fictional husband, Sam, and our perma-infant son, Samson.

Sam doesn’t know that I’ve started a farm on the side with our ‘farmboy,’ or that I am contemplating divorcing him to marry the town drunk who is fond of raising chickens and seems to know his way around some farmland, if you know what I mean.

The drama is neverending, guys.


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